L-O-V-E

So as I said in my last post it has been a long week...both kids are sick and getting better is on the horizon (I hope). I told Dave tonight right before having a mental break down it is so hard with two babies, neither one can tell me what hurts or what itches or anything, they both just fuss and I am left wondering what to do to help them...give them Tylenol, milk, hugs, kisses...WHAT DO I DO? I can't tell you how many times I asked that question today. Anyway, tonight I am not going to lie, I had reached what I was pretty sure was my limit, I had no patience for the whining, screaming, the indecisiveness of my one year old and her brother, neither of which are acting like themselves (i.e. happy, easy to please, children). Dave was a sweetheart and realized I was on the verge and took both kids and told me to eat my dinner in peace. So I did just that, I sat and ate my lemon pepper chicken and did my usual blog check...as I was doing so I came across some new blogs (I often do) and was slapped hard in the face about how selfish I was being. I read a few blogs tonight about families who are battling different types of cancers...cancers that are eating away at their babies, some have lost the battle and some are fighting on. I read about families that can't have babies and would do anything to be able to do so (something I have witnessed first had through two of my best friends). As soon as I finished reading my last reality check I grabbed A and we went up stairs to do our usual night night...as I was sitting there rocking my snot nose little baby (she will always be my little baby) I started crying and eventually I was in a full on sob session. How could I be so hard on my kids, my babies...its not their fault they are sick, if anything its mine, so why can't I have patience? I am not perfect and I have my days just like most (if you don't I really don't want to hear about it...congrats to you)...I am thankful both my kids just have colds, what if it was something more...what would I do? I thought back to G being in the hospital with that Cpap squeezing his little face and helping to keep his lungs open..it was terrifying, but, really it was such a small illness (even though at the time it consumed everything about me)...I thought back to the delivery of both my children, waiting for that first cry...how lucky am I to have been able to have babies in the first place and to have two what I think are perfect kids...SERIOUSLY LUCY COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS. As I was crying A being the sweet girl she is not realizing I was in the middle of an emotional break down tightened her grip around my neck, I am so thankful for my kids and the joy they bring into my life. I don't like it when I hear people call their kids brats or when I hear people threatening their child with physical punishment (yes we have swatted a's bum, again not perfect)...but, honestly, my mind always go to those special few who would do anything to have a little "brat" or have their little "brat" back. the love i have my for my children is something I could never have prepared myself for, I have never been able to look at an object (except Dave) and cry on cue because I am so overwhelmed with love for it. For my special friends who are waiting to feel that love...I pray for both of you every night, pray that one day you do, one way or another...its literally a love that you can't describe with words. I never thought being the person I was 2 years ago that I would have known a love like this (I am rambling)...I guess all I have left to say is thank you to A and G for loving your mom...