THOUGHTS...

its late...i should be sleeping 7:30 am is going to come way to early.
i am in a mood, not good, not bad...thoughtful, I guess. so in turn, sleep is not coming to me.
i am thinking about the people in my life. good, bad, somewhere in between. i am thinking about myself. faults, strong points, weaknesses, wants, needs, stuff.
i have 8 weeks until i graduate school, soon, very soon people. the whole thing is very bitter sweet. some people, i'm sure didn't think i could do it. some people, have done nothing but support me and guide me along the way. i have become good, not perfect, but, good. it is after all a craft that you continue to grow through out your life. i am hoping to be graduating with high honors. yes, AIP has that. yes, it is hair school, but, its boot camp compared to most and its hard. i did it. and it brings tears to my eyes to say that. i will miss my girls. that is a bond that not many understand, especially our class. "the married ones", all but 2 have kids. we all have been through relationship problems, births, deaths, tears and laughter...we all have been through it together. they are friendships i will never find again. they are friendships i hope to never lose.
my kids are growing up and in turn that brings on decisions. pre-school, activities, sports, friends, attitudes, future siblings. how do i make them...why am i still convinced i am 21 and don't have to make them and yet i am willing to bet i will be dealing with a very stubborn 3 year old in about 2 hrs that won't sleep in her own bed. i don't like watching them grow up. i don't like missing some of it. however, i love having a relationship with my kids. i love that 9 times out of 10 they want their mommy and no one else. especially, my girl. Addie is my best friend, she is my mini me which on most days is wonderful.....until she throws a fit then i have flash backs to my childhood and i instantly want to apologize to my mother. Gavin as long as Gpa (either one) isn't in the room he is a good 8 out of 10. they are so different. yet, the same in so many good ways. how did i get so lucky?
my relationship with my husband has grown into something good, something more than i could have asked for. we truly are good together. we have learned to communicate very well. we have learned to talk out decisions. we know the buttons to push and yet we don't (often). we support one another and do what we can with what we have to make life work. it only took 4 and half years and i would (gasp) say we have a WONDERFUL marriage. we both realized we are blessed with our babies and though we are not in the ideal living situation, we are blessed there too. we both know we will be blessed with more kids. we will have a home. good jobs. nice things....it will come in time and we know that now.
while thinking of all of these things. i can't help, but, think about best friends. i don't use that term lightly...you know in high school you go through about a million of them...some turn out good, but, most bad. i don't talk to any of my high school best friends anymore. in fact there is really only one i know i could call and she would be here in the 6 hrs it would take her to get here. however, as i have gotten older i have learned the true meaning. i have found some of my best friends. one in particular that is my polar opposite...seriously. we are not alike in any way. she is blunt and insensitive and the drop of a hat. i am sensitive and it takes a lot for me to speak my mind. the list goes on. point is, she is the one i call just to vent to and she knows just what to say. she is the one that calls if she hasn't heard from me all weekend, just to make sure i'm alive. my kids love her...they often say they are going to her house when they make up their little pretend games. she is 2 years younger than me, yet, she is the one that gives me advice. she is strong in ways i could never be, in situations that would make me collapse into a pathetic little ball. i think everyone deserves a friend like that. someone once told me everyone needs a best friend. its true, they do. i'm lucky to have one.
i'm lucky to have a lot. it might not be everything i want...but lets be honest. i want alot and most of it is not practical. as long as i have health, my kids and husband are with me...happy and healthy. i have family that loves and supports us through it all. and of course friends to have fun with and turn to. i'm good. very, good.
8 weeks...really!