Baby #2, Birthdays, and Hospital Stays...

So yes the rumors are true Dave and I are expecting Baby Wall #2 in mid Sept...actually two days before Addie's first birthday. It was a very unexpected surprise and has been harder to deal with than I thought. I am so thankful God trusts me with his children enough to give me another one as quickly as he did (sometimes I do question that however). All I could think about when I found out though is the time I am not going to be able to spend with Addie just her and I...does that sound bad?
I have been faced with a lot this pregnancy. We found out early on it was twins, but, I lost one at about 5-6 weeks...that was a shock. I have been to the hospital a few times for bleeding, the flu, and finally I was there for 3 days because of migraines. After a CT scan, an MRI, and a spinal tap that is what they have decided they are, I will most likely have them till the baby is born...I remember with Addie I kind of took for granted how the pregnancy went, until the end everything went perfect. Then, I was blessed with my angel and I didn't think life would ever get better. I was excited yet very scared about this pregnancy...today I went into the doctor and they informed me due to a black out spell I had Sunday I should no longer be alone with my child or even at all....I was speechless.
There have been many times I have had to turn to family due to health issues this time around but I never ever thought it would come down to a doctor telling me I can't (shouldn't) be alone with my child. It honestly felt like someone ripped my heart out of my chest. She is my world....I feel in a way I have let her down....I feel like I am hurting her and her father by being this sick and not having any say in it what so ever. I have had people tell me to just suck it up and be her mother....I would love to say it was that easy. Addie deserves that more than anything and it kills me I mean honestly physically hurts that I can't (not won't) give that to her. I know I will never have a beautiful 7 month old Addie again....its not that I can't do it, its not safe. As the doctor told me today if you have a black out spell and you have Addie by yourself...she is on her own...what if the stove is on? What if a cord is loose? There are so many what ifs, its scary. After the doctor told me all I kept thinking is I have to be with her, she is my baby. However, after talking to Dave he made me feel better about listening to the decision. Lets talk about Dave for a min....he has been amazing. I know I have taken for granted at times his love and I have not appreciated it for what it is. Through out the past 5 months he has humbled me to become a better person....he has gone to doctors appointments with me when he probably didn't need to be there...he held my hand and kissed my forehead throughout the spinal tap to calm me down and today when I found out this news he just let me sit there and cry on his shoulder in a parking lot while he was wasting his hour of lunch on a sobbing wife. He is an amazing man. I guess the point of this blog is not to complain about all the stuff going on even though I am not going to lie it feels good to get my feelings out. Its to tell all my friends with kids, be thankful....they might not have been planned, they might have...but, they come for a reason....and we are trusted with their lives. Next time you just get annoyed with one of your kids and have just had enough...remember you are lucky enough to have that time with them....give them kisses and loves whenever you can and always take advantage of the alone time you have with them...it can be taken in a second.
Ok on a more positive note...our nephews had birthdays this past month and I have not been able to get up here my well wishes...Blake turned 2 which is crazy to me because I have been in the family since he was born....Coop turned 5 yesterday and Eli 4 today....I never understood how fast kids grow up until I had my own...I dread the day Addie turns 1 I can't imagine anything older than that (well I don't want too) she is going to stay little forever!!! Happy Birthday Boys!!!
Dave informed me that yesterday our sweet Ainsley (the only other girl cousin on the Wall side) ended up in the hospital due to an accident with Coopers new golf clubs...she had a slight skull fracture and a ton of stitches...anyone that knows Pain knows she is a strong girl and handled it as such...she is in our prayers!!
One last thing Addie is getting so close to crawling its scary and her little personality is hilarious...she is a determined little girl...I love it!!!